Paul Pibbinow replaced with an imposter
Klaus Solko
One of the first facts people learn upon orientation at Augsburg University is that the president of the university, Paul C. Pribbenow is always wearing a bow tie. A small innocent bit of trivia some would suggest. I however, would say it is a clue to something deeper, more sinister going on at Augsburg University.
A warning, cleverly hidden from those who wouldn’t want it to get out, as to what the real Paul Pribbenow is like. He is a man who wears bow ties. A man I have not seen since I started here.
My first clue that something was amiss was last year when I graduated from the Emerging Leaders program. An extravagant ceremony with a large draw of it being Paul Pribbenow himself.
Now knowing very little about Paul Pribbenow I at least knew I would be able to identify him right away. He would be the man in the bow tie. So imagine my surprise when a bow tie-less man is introduced to our group as the President of the University.
This is where my suspicion arose. Since then, discovering what is really going on has been my white whale. And now a breakthrough has finally happened.
Now knowing very little about Paul Pribbenow I at least knew I would be able to identify him right away. He would be the man in the bow tie. So imagine my surprise when a bow tie-less man is introduced to our group as the President of the University.
klaus solko
This is where my suspicion arose.
Before we reveal what is really going on, we at the Echo want to give our readers a good idea of the type of effort that goes into our investigative journalism. We created an underground network of spies. Through this network we were able to keep an eye on this supposed Pribbenow.
The first thing the network noticed was that Paul Pribbenow is right-hand dominant. Or at least he is without the bow tie. But what about the Pribbenow that wears a bow tie? Well, he seems like the type of guy to be left-handed. So why has it changed?
“I mean it would only make sense that the President would clone himself. Do we really think he is the first president to do that?” Said Daphne Nota-Dooppelgranger
That is what we thought too. However, if the new Pribbenow was a clone, why would he be stepping down as the president of the University? The whole point of cloning is to be able to maintain power. It also wouldn’t explain the dominant hand change.
And the real nail in the coffin of the clone theory is that cloning isn’t real. Duh. Honestly, after Nota-Dooppelgranger suggested that we kick them out of the network because clearly they are delusional. After this experience, I realized that the network wasn’t up to par. So I went solo.
And everything became clear. Right away I realized what the truth is. The current Paul Pribbenow, the now tie-less one, is a doppelgänger.
It all makes sense. I mean it is my theory, so, of course, it is correct. No one has given me or the Echo any evidence that he isn’t a doppelgänger. And don’t you, reader who are very smart and would never not realize something like this, think that if the President wasn’t a doppelgänger there would be evidence backing that.
Now why is the question? Well… I have no idea. My white whale was figuring out why he doesn’t wear a bow tie anymore, not what motivation this clear impostor has for being here. I’m not paid enough for that.