Joke Horoscopes

Stop Sign
Mar 21 – Apr 20
Did you know that stop signs use the word “stop,” even in countries where English isn’t the language? You have an amazing ability to adapt to new situations while remaining true to yourself. However, in Quebec, they use the French word for stop, “Arrêt.” Way to recognize the importance of French culture in Quebec, that’s nice.
Yield Sign
Apr 21 – May 21
Remember to slow down and pause before careening ahead with plans — sometimes that quiet moment is what you need to determine the right course of action.
70 MPH Speed Limit Sign
May 22 – Jun 22
We all know that life is a highway, so try to balance living life in the fast lane but not going so fast that you can’t enjoy the ride.
Bike Route Sign
Jun 23 – Jul 23
Look at you, celebrating Earth month by using sustainable and non-carbon-producing forms of transportation, while getting some exercise. You’re doing great work!
Pedestrian Crossing Sign
Jul 24 – Aug 23
Ditto to the above.
Detour Ahead Sign
Aug 24 – Sep 23
Look, life is full of obstacles and problems to get around. I’m sure there’s something in the stars this month that foreshadows that. Just find a new path and keep on truckin’.
Street Name Sign
Sep 24 – Oct 23
Do you feel that flash of inspiration coming on? Get your creative juices going and be wild in what you come up with.
No Texting While Driving Sign
Oct 24 – Nov 22
It’s great how much you look out for others and want to make sure they are always safe and taking care of themselves. We all appreciate your kind, but firm, influence.
Do Not Enter Sign
Nov 23 – Dec 21
Generally I’d say don’t let anyone hold you back, but you should probably follow an occasional rule. Sometimes they are looking out for you.
No Left Turn Sign
Dec 22 – Jan 20
Honestly, left turns are one of the banes of modern existence; isn’t it nice when the option is removed for just one second and you have to make four right turns instead? It’s important to learn to accept the small things that might seem inconvenient at first, but ultimately are there to help.
Deer Crossing Sign
Jan 21 – Feb 19
Sometimes, things just come randomly bounding out of nowhere (the forest) and crash right into your life (or car), and there’s no way to avoid it. Stay upbeat and resilient, and take pride in your stories of perseverance.
Reserved for Guest of the President Parking Sign
Feb 20 – Mar 20
You are really special and important. Or you are Kristian’s dad, who parks here whenever he comes to campus.

 

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