NTÉ, contributor

I want her back 
I want her back 
I want her back 
What have I done 
I no longer fit into the pretty little princess mold 
I am no longer my daddy’s little girl 
My momma’s little princess 
You cannot take back what you have done 
You cannot take back what you have done 
You cannot take back what you have done 
And you have done it 
And it is final 
And there’s no going back now 
Others words will not heal you 
Their gaze will not see you 
The voice you hear is not yours 
The face you see is someone else 
Why 
For all the happiness I feel 
The dread encroaches closer

I realized the life before is no longer mine 
The memories may stay 
But the reality has varied 

No longer the perfect porcelain doll 
I have betrayed all that once was 
To become what I am now 

Happiness and joy overflow 
But I wish to be seen as her again 
To be perceived as sweet and valid 
To have more 
To want for less 
For the beginnings 
For rest 

I know in reality going back would not change anything 
I know the past is not where I belong 
I know it was not right for me then and certainly not now 

So I remove myself 
From the Sea of whiteness 
From the snowstorm 
From the fast-paced ever-changing world 
I set myself apart 
So that I may fall apart 
Before I put myself back together 
I cry 
I scream 
I yell 
I shout 
I am outraged 
I allow myself to feel all these things
An outpour of emotions 
Until I am nothing 
Nothing but skin and bones once again 
And when that is all that remains
I will return to the cluster 
I will return to the clump
I come back reformed 
Because I will not let them see me cry