Invisible Man Has All Eyes on Him as New University President
Elliot Hilden, visible man
As of 2028, Augsburg will be saying goodbye to the one and only Paul Pribbenow, president of the university. While we are sad to see him —and his bow tie— go, Auggies are staying positive and looking towards the future as we welcome Invisible Man into the role. I am truly honored to have been given the chance to interview Man as he prepares to step into the shoes left by President Pribbenow.
When asked about how he is feeling about the position, Man didn’t have much to say, but I hypothesize that that was due to me asking the question to a wall, and not to Man. I found him shortly after, I think, and continued the interview.
When asked about how he is feeling about the position, Man didn’t have much to say, but I hypothesize that that was due to me asking the question to a wall, and not to Man.
Elliot Hilden
Man has a clear vision for the future of the university. “I want major visibility. Augsburg University has so much to offer outside just our little neighborhood, and I want to make that known. I’m talking about national coverage, all eyes on us.” When asked if he thought his appearance would be a problem, Man replied that he “[has] no qualms. I love a good photo op, and I will absolutely be on the front lines making connections and building bridges. If someone happens to photograph me doing this, all the better!”
A new university president is a major deal, and the students definitely have feelings about this change. Irene “Four Eyes” Glassby is incredibly optimistic about Man’s ambitions. “I feel incredibly seen by him, given that I never truly know if he’s watching. It makes me want to be better every day, on the off-chance that today is the day he’s standing behind me in line at Einstein’s, or auditing my Business Management class. Invisible Man is an inspirational force to be reckoned with.”
Seymour Peeple, president of the Future Ophthalmologists Association, was not quite as enthusiastic about this change in leadership. “It’s like, whatever. I doubt we’ll actually see him putting his plans in motion, but it’s not like we saw the last guy doing much anyway.”
I brought the student’s concerns up to Man during our interview, and he was horrified, to say the least. “I have a large array of ideas and ambitions that I have full confidence in my ability to make happen during my time at Augsburg. I have been working closely with Pauly P— sorry, President Pribbenow, in an effort to understand the current situation and proceedings at the university, so that I may best serve the student body during my presidency.” After a short pause, Man asked that we “don’t publish that Pauly P thing.”
Well, there you have it, readers. Personally, I believe that Man is going to be an incredible asset to the Augsburg community, and I truly cannot wait to see what he has in store for our university. While we will surely feel the empty space left by President Pribbenow, he’s leaving our community in good, albeit undetectable, hands.