Pimp my ride: DPS edition


With the institution’s recent change to Augsburg University, it only makes sense that our Department of Public Safety (DPS) would get new decals on their patrol vehicle. However, some of you may have noticed that the DPSmobile did not get a makeover by the rapper Xzibit. Instead, DPS got an entirely new Augsburg University patrol car in addition to the old patrol SUV.

Just recently, I was walking on campus and saw a vehicle that looked like the Augsburg College SUV. However, as it drove past me, I was shocked to find yet another new Augsburg University vehicle. You may be asking, “the Department of Public Safety now has two new vehicles on campus, so what?” Let me answer that question by asking a question of my own to DPS: Are these two new vehicles going to help keep campus safer than before?

To answer this question, perhaps two new DPS vehicles will increase their presence and mobility all around campus at night. My bet is that DPS will actually respond in a timely fashion to emergency calls on campus. Even better yet, maybe the new patrol vehicles will mean more patrolling campus instead of sitting behind glass watching Netflix in the Urn/ Mort Lobby. More patrolling might mean that our cars will be spared from the smashing of windows and looting of our belongings that have occurred many times already this semester.

Did you hear about the number of car windows smashed on campus or on Minneapolis streets encompassed by our campus? DPS might even catch some people in the act! Who knows; anything is possible now.

Unfortunately, a department that for the most part is only effective at watching Netflix, responding incredibly slow and writing us parking tickets has new vehicles.

I suppose we will have to wait and see if DPS steps up their game to match their new shiny rides. My bet is that nothing will change. But hey, I’d love for them to prove me wrong.

*Featured photo by Jim Pfeffer.

This article first appeared in the Friday, November 10, 2017, Edition of The Echo.