Augsburg University Cryptids
Cryptid: noun, “An animal whose existence or survival is disputed or unsubstantiated, such as the yeti.” -Oxford Dictionary
The Couch Slumberers in the Library Dungeon You see them as you walk by the round chasm that peers over the silent level of the library. They lay, curled on the paltry padding of the built-in seats, pillowing their heads on backpacks. Do not disturb them, and pray they remain asleep.
The Mysterious Moustache There’s a student with a moustache everyone seems to know but only tangentially. You can’t find anyone who’s roomed with them or who knows them personally, but everyone knows what they look like.
The Player With Matches She must have lived in Mort during academic year 2015-2016. And Urness during academic year 2016-2017.
The Lost Soul of ‘77 Long ago, a student who would have graduated in 1977 got lost in Memorial and has wandered the halls ever since. Their long, greying hair brushes the floor, and they carry a tattered form for a professor to sign. Walk by them quickly, and do not look into their eyes.
The Nabo Warlocks Only three people were in line ahead of you, yet it’s been 45 minutes and none of you have your pasta. What could all that steam be coming from if not your food? And those funny-sounding incantations in a language no one understands? Best not to ask, and accept your breadsticks when they appear.
The Plinker We don’t know what it is, but it lives in the heaters.
The Bestower of Fridges A benevolent god who left two mini fridges and a microwave in the Urness elevators during the fall of 2014. We did not question the gifts, but should have known there was a price attached.
The Lab Lurker They were your lab partner at the start of the year, but they’ve disappeared. No one in the science building will tell you where they went. One of the lab rooms is cordoned off. You keep hearing something about a rift in the space-time continuum. Strange lights have been seen over Mortensen ever since they went missing. You don’t know who’s going to do the other half of the write-up that’s due on Friday.
The Kennedy Toilet Rat Horrifying legends tell of the Toilet Rat, a creature that lives in the sewers beneath Kennedy and emerges from the plumbing to frighten innocent toilet-users. No one knows when it will strike next. All information remains unconfirmed.
Report sightings of any creatures to the Echo at moorer@ augsburg.edu, and be safe out there.
This article first appeared in the Friday, December 15, 2017, Edition of The Echo.