Joke Issue 2019 News

“Day of Performative Wokeness” planned for Sesquicentennial Celebration


Winston Heckt, Reefer Addict


The Augsburg campus is buzzing with excitement and anticipation for the sesquicentennial celebration of our 150 years as an institution. Celebratory events include a ludicrously expensive gala in September and an “all-school reunion” of every graduating class during homecoming. But now, a new event is in the mix following professor Phillip Adamo’s controversial racist and unprofessional behavior in the workplace.

Following the same vein as the Day of Action in February, the Day of Performative Wokeness is designed to address the campus climate while deflecting attention and energy from making policy changes that actually address racism and anti-blackness on campus. In a statement from the university, a spokesperson said, “We want to take this moment to reflect on Augsburg’s history and spin some soft PR over the top of student’s concerns of racism in the classroom.” The day will take place between the sesquicentennial gala and homecoming. Attendees can expect a lot of vague verbal commitments to diversity and inclusion, a moment of silence honoring the hard work of white allies and a screening of 2019 Oscar winner “Green Book.” Copies of professor Phillip Adamo’s written history of Augsburg’s history, “Hold Fast to What is Good,” will be available for purchase during the Day of Performative Wokeness. “At first we thought it might be too risky for our bottom line to associate our history book with racism on campus,” said the spokesperson. “But here at Augsburg University, we welcome free speech and any resulting dialogue so long as it doesn’t hurt our ability to complicity profit from racism.”

Several students have voiced concerns that the event caters to white members of the Augsburg community while excluding marginalized students. “The Day of Performative Wokeness is about students of color, but it’s not for students of color,” said a student who prefers to remain anonymous. “Even a simple apology for having to experience racism on campus would be nice, but I guess that’s too much to ask.”

This article was originally published in the April 5, 2019 issue.