Abi Hilden, infinity gauntlet wielder

Snow is melting, flowers are blooming and spring is kicking into gear. With spring on its way, that means that the celebration of the 21st Annual Bikini Bottom Fry Cook Games is around the corner. Held in the Fast Food Colosseum, the annual event focuses on sporting events for Bikini Bottom’s top fry cooks.

The spotlight of this year’s event shines on the age-old rivalry between restaurant owners and former competitors Eugene Krabs and Sheldon J. Plankton. With both winning a gold medal in the first Fry Cook Games, Krabs in the Pickle Lifting event, and Plankton in the Onion Ring Routine event, their rivalry has remained constant ever since. 

However, in this year’s games, it was not Krabs or Plankton who battled it out on behalf of their rivalry. Two newcomers, SpongeBob Squarepants for the Krusty Krab and Patrick Star for the Chum Bucket, competed in this year’s competition on behalf of the rivals. Formerly friends, the two newcomers formed a rivalry themselves during the duration of the games.

When asked about his feelings going into the Games, Squarepants told the Echo just how excited he was to compete, calling it “the greatest day of [his] young life.” 

Star had a very similar feeling but was much more laid back about how the competition may go. “It can’t be that hard,” said Star about how confident he was that he could take home the gold.

Setting the tone for the rest of the games, the two went head to head in the first two events: the Deep Fry Pole Vault and the Chocolate High Dive. Both missed the frying vat in the first event, opting for a more nuanced approach at landing on the target next to the vat of oil. 

As for the Chocolate High Dive, both scored excellent, pulling off their own signature moves. Squarepants went for the “Full Banana Fudge Pop With Two Sticks” and surprised the crowd by also including a toasted almond coating. He stuck the landing on both sticks, earning a perfect score from the judges. Star attempted the classic “Single Scoop Strawberry Cone With A Chocolate Dip,” which, although simple and shakily entered, also earned him a perfect score on account of his exquisite form.

The two remained neck and neck for the entire games until the final event, Bun Wrestling. This event determined who took home the gold, so tensions going into it were quite high. Both competitors got in some good moves with Star pulling off the “Foot Licker” and Squarepants coming in with a “Name Erase.” However, all came to a halt when suddenly both of the contestants’ pants fell off revealing them to be wearing colored underpants that matched the other’s. In a shocking twist of events, the two immediately made up and forfeited the match, much to the chagrin of rivals Plankton and Krabs.

With a rollercoaster of emotions underlying this year’s Games, it will be interesting to see how the rivalry between Krabs and Plankton will be reignited next year. Fans are desperate to see Squarepants and Star make a comeback as well, hopefully this time playing for the same team.

This article was published as part of The Echo’s 2022 joke issue.