Cassandra Hagen, staff writer

Dear Cassandra,

I’m rooming with my friends this year and we were really excited about it all summer, but now that we’re actually living together, I feel like we aren’t getting along. I kinda wish we hadn’t done it but we can’t find other roommates now, so we’re stuck like this and I feel awkward bringing up how different things feel.

Sincerely,

Reluctant Roommate 

Dear Reluctant Roommate, 

One of the hardest aspects of college can often be living with someone else, so to quell the anxiety that accompanies rooming with a stranger, many people chose to room with their friends. However, this can come with its own difficulties, and when issues arise it can make it even more challenging to approach them. However, feeling like you’re not getting along with your roommates is a completely common and valid experience, and there are a variety of ways to improve your situation. Below are some ways to potentially alleviate and solve some of the problems you’re experiencing. 

Think about how you’re feeling. Why do you feel like you and your roommate aren’t getting along? Do you not talk enough, not spend enough time together or do things just constantly feel tense? Defining and breaking down exactly why you feel like things aren’t working out is the first step to potentially fixing things in the future as well as clearly defining the specific issues in your relationship with your roommate. 

Talk to them. It sounds simple in theory but can prove to be one of the hardest things to do. Take your time to formulate your thoughts and when you do talk to them, be honest about how you’re feeling. Explain to them why you think things aren’t working out, and actively try to look for solutions or compromises to help improve things. This step can take time, so don’t feel rushed to jump into it if you’re not ready for it yet. 

Choose the right time. Try to avoid bringing up the situation if you notice that one of your roommates is having a bad day or they’re feeling stressed. Be mindful of how they’re feeling as well, because they may not realize that you feel like you two aren’t getting along. Roommate relationships are a two-way street, so be aware that their view of the situation may be different from yours — telling them that you think things aren’t working out may be a surprise. Be mindful of that, and plan on when to talk to them accordingly. 

Bring it up to your RA. Your RA is there for a reason, and going to them just to talk about the issue or workshop solutions can help alleviate some stress. They can help give you advice to improve the situation and guide you to helpful resources. You could plan to have a mediated discussion with your roommate while your RA is present or ask about potentially switching roommates in a worst-case scenario. In any case, they can be and often should be one of the first people you go to if you are having roommate difficulties. 

In situations like these, it’s often most important to fully figure out how you’re feeling, formulate your thoughts, get advice from others and then have that hard conversation. A couple of outcomes can be reached from this, whether things with your roommate are improved or you decide to switch living situations. Regardless of the outcome, it’s often better than letting things remain as they are when you’re having doubts about where these friendships lie. Approaching a difficult situation like this is daunting, but without tackling it there will be no solutions — positive or otherwise — so it’s important to do what’s difficult and talk to the friends you’re living with. Remember that you are fully capable of doing challenging things, including this!

Here’s to hoping things improve, 

Cassandra