Klaus Solko, lieutenant 

The Art majors have declared WAR on the STEM majors. The official declaration was issued early April 1 when the Art majors locked down Old Main and renamed it “Fort Main.” A battle was fought afterward for rights over the tunnels, which was swiftly won by the Arts. The STEMs seemed all around unprepared for the battle despite the Arts being very clear about their demands and what would happen if they weren’t met. One messenger from the STEMs reported that the way the letters were delivered, by pigeon, was impractical and that the calligraphy was “too hard to read.” However, it has been generally agreed that the messenger was a liar and a spy. 

The STEMs retaliated late into the day. Their base of Hagfors had been a steel trap until they emerged and conquered the skyways. This sneak attack was met with minimal opposition as most of the Arts’ frontline fighters were working on their final pieces for class. Now the only way to get through the skyways is to either balance a chemical equation or list 100 digits of pi. This invasion came at a tactical time as many students don’t want to brave the weather outside and must go through this treacherous territory instead. 

Arts’ lead strategists, the sketchers, have suggested that this plan was done to isolate Lindell Library, probably in hopes of them surrendering it to the STEMs. As of now, the building has stayed neutral, determined to be the intersection between science and art. The Arts just hope that the building will see which side is trying to force their hand and which isn’t. 

Since the war started, Mortensen has tragically fallen and it seems that Urness will be close behind unless it declares a side quickly. Though with it being a first-year building there is a fear of it staying undeclared. However it seems that with the tunnel connection Christensen might join the Arts in their cause. 

However, what is more important than the building declaring the sides is students joining the fight. This is why the Arts are instilling a voluntary draft and encouraging everyone to join. Of course, all of us at the Echo have already signed up with some of us just directly enlisting. One of our editors Tayana Osuna (gods rest their soul) was even a hero in the recent battle of Nabo. Thankfully, that battle ended in a truce (very similar to the Christmas truce of World War I) as both sides sat and shared boba together.  

The art majors have always been a group that is thankful for any contribution so they are also encouraging people to not only join their draft, but to work with their talents and contribute what they can. Making and sharing updates, buying bonds so the fights on the front line can eat, sending letters to your friends that are fighting. 

Most importantly they want the student body to keep in mind what the world could look like if the STEMs win. The math blockades in the skyways will be at every entrance, every building will be replaced with brutalist architecture, all history of art and free expression will be outlawed and grounds for expulsion. 

The Arts just want peace and their demands to be met by the STEMs — they know what they are. This war can end whenever their side wants it to but until that happens join the draft, buy bonds and FIGHT!