Joke Issue 2018

Auggie Eagle to Becme an Avenger


Jimmy Pfeffer, The Newest Avenger


Last week at a press conference, Anthony and Joe Russo, directors of the newest Marvel Cinematic Universe film “Avengers: Infinity War,” announced that there is a new hero appearing in the film, but they are withholding any information other than that the part will be played by Augsburg University’s very own Auggie Eagle.

Auggie has not appeared in any of the films trailers, and based on how tight Marvel tends to keep their information, it would be safe to assume we won’t be seeing any shots of Auggie until the film hits the big screen. This will be Auggie’s first role in a major film or any film at all for that matter. Most of Auggie’s performing experience come from football games, pep fests and the occasional award show.

As of right now, Auggie has refused to answer any questions, but Augsburg Activities Director and Auggie’s agent/trainer Jeff Swenson responded saying, “I’m very excited for the school and especially Auggie. We’ve been on a very intense training program to get Auggie in shape for this role. Auggie is in great shape and will make a great addition to the Avengers.”

Swenson wasn’t the only one to comment on Auggie’s new film role. Augsburg President Paul Pribbenow also shared his own thoughts: “I’m excited for Auggie, yes, on the business side of things, though this may mean we at Augsburg will need to find a new mascot. I’m not sure yet, but it could end up being Aardie the Aardvark,or maybe even Armie Armadillo. Both have very impressive resumes.” Even though the potential of losing our beloved Auggie to Hollywood is sad, Auggie’s success is also very important.

This article first appeared in the Friday, April 6th Edition of The Echo.