Joke Issue 2018

Due to low fudns, Scholarship Weekend speaker set to be Nobel Prize winner Peter Agre’s shoe


Gabriel Benson, lost without Kristian Evans


After the likes of the Dalai Lama, Bill Nye the Science Guy and Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, Augsburg has decided to allocate the funds once dedicated to campus speakers to other more pressing campus needs.

Because of this sudden change, Augsburg has slotted Nobel Prize winner in chemistry and Augsburg alumnus Peter Agre to generously allow the use of his right shoe. With years of experience working with Agre, this shoe is set to have a number of valuable insights critical to vocation, stewardship and leadership. The presentation is set to be held on April 1, 2019 in the Si Melby Hall Gymnasium.

Act Six, Honors and other scholarship applicants will be attending the presentation to learn about the high expectations and aspirations that Augsburg students are so known for. Agre’s shoe will be available for photos with fans before the presentation, and there will be a brief Q&A session following the speech.

In the future, Augsburg has many other wonderful campus speakers lined up. Stay tuned for speakers such as Warren Hawkins, the fat squirrel in Murphy Square and famous best athlete on campus Jordyn Robarge.

This article first appeared in the Friday, April 6th Edition of The Echo.