Joke Issue 2018

Hoversten Chapel to become giant ball pit


Abigail Tetzlaff, M.D.


With the CSBR’s new chapel space arrived, the Hoversten Chapel has fallen out of favor with campus ministry. They plan to use the new chapel across campus almost exclusively. The Hoversten Chapel will now function as a meeting place for large events, rather than a religious space.

In order to revamp the space for its new purpose, the administration voted early this week to turn Hoversten into a giant ball pit. When asked why the change in the chapel’s function, the President said, “For shits and giggles.”

While there were other options for the chapel, like turning it into an indoor waterpark or a licensed WWE fighting arena, the ball pit proposal received an overwhelming amount of “yes” votes.

Plans for the chapel suggest that millions of plastic balls will be transported in dump trucks during the summer break.

A slide and a diving board will be fitted onto the upper balcony, and the organ will be replaced by a free-climb rock wall.

The Board of Regents and All Hands meetings are already scheduled to take place in the pit once the renovations are completed.

Students throughout campus agree that the decision was a strong one. “This is what the people want,” said one student after hearing the news.

Faculty too seem pleased with the change. “I was hoping the administration would make a trampoline park, but a ball pit is pretty cool, I guess,” commented Bob Groven of the Communications Department, whose office is directly across from the chapel doors. “Now when I’m late for a meeting, I can tell everyone it was because I got lost in the ball pit; no one will be the wiser. Don’t put in that last part.”

The Hoversten Ball Pit is much anticipated here at Augsburg.

This article first appeared in the Friday, April 6th Edition of The Echo.