ATTENTION! KNUCKLEHEAD ON THE LOOSE!!!
This man has been seen roaming around on campus with monstrous and destructive equipment and is intentionally using his equipment to eradicate the Augsburg landscape. As his identity is unknown, he has been referred to as D.O.M (Designated Operator of Machinery). He responds to English and claims to speak Spanish, but do not be fooled by his butchered palabras. He is EXTREMELY DANGEROUS! When approached he is known to sing the lyrics to Gasolina by Daddy Yankee as an attack! Please beware!
REWARD IF FOUND (ALIVE):
Two of Tayana’s origami cranes and VIP tickets to any future “Hotdogz With Brainz” concert
This article was published as part of The Echo’s 2022 joke issue.