Trans People Should Get Two Free Murders

Danny Reinan, funky little guy

Transphobia is an epidemic of epic proportions. Trans people are subject to heinous treatment on all fronts – in the legal system, in the healthcare system, in the educational system and so much more. We are abused at higher rates, we suffer from mental illness at higher rates, we are assaulted at higher rates and our oppression is justified as we are branded as deluded at best and predatory at worst. Being trans means constantly advocating for your own existence, fighting for your basic human rights and fearing for your life. Even as trans people have been brought to the forefront of national conversation in the last several years, these fundamental facts of our existence haven’t changed. So that naturally raises the question – how can we eradicate transphobia for good? If awareness campaigns and letters to legislators have failed to create meaningful social change, there’s only one path forward: Murder.

Wouldn’t it suck to whiff your one shot at a kill, only to meet someone later who’s really asking for it?

Danny reinan, funky little guy

Look, I’m not advocating for trans people to be able to kill en masse – that’s a slippery slope that would lead to complete anarchy. But just a slight sprinkling of slaughter would spice things up a little. I propose that each trans person should get two free passes to kill and get off scot-free. That way, we can stamp out particularly egregious instances of transphobia when we see them. Why two kills, you may ask? I don’t know, it just sort of feels right – it’s a low number without being a one-and-done deal. Wouldn’t it suck to whiff your one shot at a kill, only to meet someone later who’s really asking for it? With two kills each, any trans person can get the chance to finally shut up J. K. Rowling for good, while still having one to spare – just in case.

You may think that this would simply tip the scales of inequality in the other direction, but as is, the justice system already leaps through legal loopholes in order to justify the murders of trans people. The “trans panic defense” is a legal argument positing that a cis assailant or murderer was acting in an excusable state of temporary insanity – a state of blind, violent rage brought on by the shock of “discovering” that their victim is trans. It’s a dehumanizing defense that justifies transphobic hate crimes and implicitly blames trans murder victims for their own deaths, and it’s been successfully invoked numerous times to reduce a cis murderer’s charge – or even acquit them entirely. It’s time to even the playing field. If a judge can look at a cis person’s murder of a trans person, shrug their shoulders, and agree to overlook the crime, it’s only fair that the same would apply when the roles are reversed. With this clause in place, we’d finally have equal treatment in the legal world, and we could truly take “direct action” to the next level.

If you really take a moment to think critically about the cisnormative world around us, you’ll find that what I’m proposing is really quite modest. On the other hand, if you don’t think it’s reasonable that all trans people should be given the legal leeway to murder, then shame on you – clearly you have some unchecked transphobia that you should be working on. So, if you’re on the side of trans rights, get ready to fight for our right to kill. If you’re not… then every second you’re not running, we’re getting closer.

This article was published as part of The Echo’s 2022 joke issue.